What’s self-love got to do with it?

We seem to have an endless stream of competing demands on our time and energies. Work to do, bills to pay people to please. We’re supposed to be productive at work, organized and available at home, and lately many of us are expected to do this all in the same place, at the same time. We feel the need to achieve, accomplish and produce. We feel bad when we can’t keep up, when we feel too exhausted to play with our kids, connect with friends or simply feed ourselves.

 We want to have it all, but sometimes we just want to get away. There’s only so much we can give, and the less we give back to ourselves, the less we can give to others. So how does self-love help us give more?

Self-care is one of the ways we show ourselves love 

Self-care is crucial not only to our own survival, but the survival of our families, our communities, and society at large. We need to carve out space to be with ourselves, to be self-aware, self-reflective, and self-nourishing. In short, we need to give ourselves love. Love for ourselves gives us the ability to meaningfully share space with others, to care for those in need, and to meet the challenges of each day with resilience. It will allow us to learn, grow and thrive.  

What is self-love? 

A foundational part of caring for ourselves is cultivating the capacity to be with ourselves honestly. We may struggle with our thoughts and our self-perception. We may understand that self-love is not a given. However, it is something we can cultivate. As with building a relationship with someone else, we need to get to know ourselves first. Take time to be with our thoughts and feelings, to acknowledge the messages we receive from our subconscious and from our bodies.

To practice self-love is to be reflective as well as compassionate. In this way, we discover our needs and desires, and give ourselves space to tend to them. Compassionate self-love is to see ourselves honestly, to acknowledge our character without judgement, and to be generous rather than harsh with our criticism. It’s ok to not like everything about ourselves. It’s ok to struggle with who we are. It’s incredibly important to love ourselves anyway, to give ourselves the best support we can muster, to forgive ourselves and to cultivate a sense of respect for who we are, as we are.

Cultivating self-love may mean being kinder and gentler with ourselves. We can be our own harshest critic, and can easily spend most of our day steeped in negative self-talk. Kindness, patience and generosity are important to extend to others, though many of us forget to apply this standard to ourselves. When we make the conscious choice to calm the critic, and to give ourselves proper credit for our efforts, we open up the possibilities for self-improvement. We build ourselves up rather than tear ourselves down.

What does self-love look like?  

What self-love and self-care looks like on a day-to-day basis depends on your situation and your needs. It may mean having alone time focused on just you. It may mean scheduling time to be with others. A group that nourishes and supports each other can be invaluable. And alone time is a necessity for self-reflection. Self-care activities may include an extra-long shower, a walk through a city park or trail, or a comedy marathon on the couch. It may be as simple as 1 minute of intentional deep breathing. The key is that after your self-care time or activity, you feel more nourished than you did before.

There is no minimum required to get started 

What your ideal self-care regimen looks like may not be possible given your life circumstances. That doesn’t mean that you can’t do self-care. It’s always possible to make space for giving yourself love and care. If making time and space for self-care seems unattainable, know that even taking 2 minutes to focus on your breath, and acknowledge your body (however wearied it may be feeling), can have a huge impact on your mood, your mind and your physical wellbeing. We don’t all start from the same place, but the important thing is that we start somewhere.

 When we fail to attend to our needs, our bodies will let us know. If you’re feeling tired all the time, exasperated, frustrated, easily angered. If your digestion just feels off, you get frequent headaches or colds, or just feel unwell, your body is trying to let you know that something needs to change.

Tuning in can be hard. If you find yourself frustrated or uncomfortable with the process, reach out for support. Talk to a trusted friend or seek the support of a professional helper like a Naturopathic Doctor, Therapist or Traditional Chinese Medicine practitioner. Whatever you do, don’t give up! Making change is a process, and it may not come easily or all at once.

The payback for self-love is immeasurable.  

Self-love will enhance your life in countless ways – improve your mood, focus and productivity, enhance your sense of well-being and your relationships, including your ability to give and receive love and support. It can make you happier, healthier and more unequivocally you.